Without Words
by natsuki chere
Summary: Without words, I knew I was always in love with you. ONE-SHOT.


Disclaimer: Bleach is not mine, obviously.

* * *

_The first time I met him, he was offering me his food. _

But I didn't take his offer; I was too tired to move anyway. Without words, I just stared at him like a broken mannequin, waiting for my death to come to me in the waste land. I knew something horrible had happened to me before I was abandoned there. But I couldn't remember, no matter how hard I tried.

And I just wished I could die.

Next thing I remembered, I was in an abandoned house, well covered from the harsh weather outside. The snows were falling; white, as white as _his_ beautiful hair.

I thought I was alone, until he showed up with a sly grin. Then, he came and went away whenever he pleases. Sometimes he would hang around long enough for me to actually study him, remembering every inch of his cunning features. He would smile and laugh at unexpected times, and would turn quiet whenever he thought I didn't look at him. I never really understand him. He, on the other hand, knew everything about me.

One night, I found him with a shinigami uniform.

"I'm gonna be a shinigami," he said monotonously. "Become a shinigami and change things so that they'll end without Rangiku having to cry."

And he left.

_The second time I met him was the time when I successfully enrolled myself in Gotei 13._

Yup, that's right. I followed him to Seireitei. He seemed well, besides the fact that he was already a fukutaicho for that bespectacled taicho. Somehow…that brunette taicho seemed oddly familiar. Hmmm…whatever! Who cares about him when I have a long lost childhood friend to be dealt with? I tried not to be so obvious while looking at the white haired guy. When our eyes met, I just put up my infamous poker face and looked away. I tried to look at him after a few second, but he was no longer there.

Why wasn't I surprised?

Screw him. I didn't become a shinigami for him. I became a shinigami because I wanted to help people. I would proudly prove to him that I could live without him!

Somehow, after he left on that snowy night, I have the tendency to hate snow and winter. It always reminded me of him leaving me. It's kind of irony when I became attracted to my little captain who also has white hair.

I got to admit that the first thing that attracted me to the boy was his hair; as white as snow, as white as Gin's. Maybe I was thinking too much, but I saw Gin in him— minus the constant frown he always had on his cute face. I convinced the short boy to join me in Gotei 13. Never did I expect that the brat would then became my captain! On the bright side, being his subordinate wasn't such a bad idea. At least Kyouraku taicho wouldn't dare to harass me when Toshiro-chan was around. Plus, I could get more access throughout Gotei 13— more importantly, I would get more opportunity to meet Gin who already became the captain of 3rd Division.

Like I said earlier, I didn't understand him. And it hurts to know that he always kept secrets from me no matter how hard I tried to get close to him. Every time I tried to talk to him, he would avoid me. And when I successfully stopped him from running away from me, he never answered me seriously (which gained some punches and kicks from me though he evaded them with his annoying smirks). Why would he try to hide whenever I tried to talk to him? What, he thought I was stupid? He thought I couldn't detect his reiatsu? This is Rangiku we're talking about. I never failed to sense a person's reiatsu; regardless who that person is! How did you think I found my lil' taicho?

One thing that I noticed about him was the fact that he always hangs around with Captain Aizen. Speaking of Captain Aizen, seeing him together with Gin made me feel uneasy. I mean, _hello_, seeing Gotei 13's top 2 captains who love to smile spend many of their times _together_? Wouldn't that raised a curiosity…for a very _wrong_ reason? No, I believed that they're _not_ in **that** category. Hinamori insisted that she had a very close relationship with Aizen that she believed that her taicho was normal and even tried to flirt with her. Plus, Kira had confirmed that the odd rumors about his taicho were nothing but rumors. Then why would they spend so many times together? In the end I had to rely on his fukutaicho to check on him. Who said that being a fukutaicho could help me to approach him, huh?

_Minus the times I met him during and after the monthly meeting with Sotaicho, I finally confronted him._

And not only we finally met face to face; we even introduced our zanpakuto to each other for the first time. He raised his zanpakuto at _my taicho_. He intended to _kill Hinamori_. He almost killed _me_ for trying to stop him! Without words, I looked into his cold eyes and challenged him to fight me if he still wanted to kill Hinamori. We looked into each others eyes that felt like forever before he broke the eye contact and left. The injury he inflicted on me in the attempt of stopping him was nothing compared to the pain he caused to my heart.

The old wound in my heart bleed once again.

Why did he betray Soul Society?

Why did he betray _me_?

"I'm so sorry," he said with a sad smile…and left with Aizen.

Something inside me told me that he's not coming back.

My heart turned cold.

But what did it really means? Why was he apologizing for if he was fully aware that he was betraying Soul Society; betraying _me?_

Why did he turn his back against me?

Toshiro-chan didn't ask anything after that day. I couldn't keep my true feeling in front of my taicho who had a very sharp sense (he even knew I secretly joined Kyouraku taicho for a drink on weekend!). He simply left me alone even though he knew there was something between me and Gin. Besides, he had other things to be concerned about; about Aizen's betrayal, about his own injury, his pride, about Hinamori. And seeing Hinamori wounded— both physically and mentally somehow stopped me from bugging him. I was fully aware of his feeling.

I was so not in the mood for everything. Even sake didn't taste the same even since he left. I had to pretend that everything was fine in front of Hisagi and Kira. I guess they needed more emotional support than me. Their taichos whom they highly respected betrayed Soul Society; betrayed _them_. It would take a long time for them to accept that fact.

_Finally, after some times that felt like forever, I met him again._

It was painful to even take a single breathe. Everything was blurry. I couldn't remember what happened. The only thing that kept me awake was the constant pain throughout my body. My focus came to me almost instantly once I detected _his_ reiatsu.

Gin's here.

With little reiatsu I had, I healed myself with a healing kido, enough to numb the pain for some time. Nothing else matter but to find him. And when his reiatsu suddenly vanished, I knew where to find him. I was never wrong when it comes to find his whereabouts.

The strong reiatsu from Aizen was almost suffocating, hindering me from moving too much. If it wasn't for that annoying human with the most ridiculous outfit (with his stupid hat and stupid glasses!), I wouldn't be able to stay awake. God, why couldn't he just leave with those kids like a normal human being?

My injury had lowered my defense, and I didn't have enough time to react when Gin forcefully took me in his arm and flee from Aizen. True, I've always dream of being in his arm, to be this close with him— but not like this. No, I had to defend those kids, I had to stop Aizen; to stop Gin even if it means I had to die.

"Seriously, why are you here?" he asked once I managed to get out from his embrace.

Maybe my tired mind was playing trick with me...but why did he sound sad when he asked that? Wasn't I supposed to be asking him in that tone? He came closer, touching me with the hand I longed for ages. I lost all of my senses and wished that we wouldn't have to be this close for a very wrong reason. When he muttered the kido spell, something clicked on my mind.

Only then did I realize his hidden agenda.

My world turned into a complete darkness.

The change in his reiatsu was the only thing that was needed for me to escape from his kido spell. Trying to calm my breathing, I gathered my energy and search for him.

Something was wrong with him. And it didn't take me long enough to confirm it.

He was there, with an extremely pale face and a huge wound on his torso. His right hand—God, I didn't want to think what had happened before I came! I didn't _see_ anything, I didn't _think_ of anything but to get to him.

Gin!

He didn't move, or react when I desperately called his name.

Damn it! I was so close! If only I woke up earlier by seconds. If only I was fast enough to get to him. If only I was strong enough to get myself out of the kido spell. If only—

If only things didn't turn out like this.

_He was never to be seen after that._

After the battle with Aizen, he disappeared, and didn't even leave me a single memento. I've always hated that about him. But, if he had left something behind, then I probably never would have been able to move from that spot.

He must have seen through that part of me.

Thank you, Gin. I've always liked that about you…

From the very beginning, we didn't need any word to say what's on our minds.

_Without words, I knew I was always in love with you._

-END-

* * *

I've check for any grammatical/spelling errors for many times. But if there are any grammatical/spelling errors that I've missed, do inform me, okie? Anyway, comment?


End file.
